Improving Social Anxiety - Decrease Your Anxiety Symptoms, By Admitting You Have Them

I just wanted to take a minute to remind all my readers of the importance of owning your social anxiety as a must-do technique for improving social anxiety and decreasing the physical symptoms of social nerves. What I mean is that you should plan on explaining that you have social anxiety symptoms in the event that someone points out that you are blushing, stammering, shaking, being quiet, or whatever.

HERE'S WHY: By planning ahead with a response to some insensitive person who points out your symptoms, you will end up having fewer symptoms. That's because your anxiety decreases about someone noticing your anxiety.

BUT I COULDN'T! Maybe you couldn't before, but after doing the following exercise, you will be able to admit to having social anxiety symptoms.

HERE ARE THE STEPS:

1. You write down the worst criticisms that you most fear. In other words, imagine what someone might say if they noticed your social anxiety symptoms, and write that down.

2. Say a polite, but assertive, response out loud, as if you were responding back to the person as you read through your list from number one. Say things like, "Oh yes, you noticed one of the reactions I have because of my genetic temperament that predisposes me to nervous excitement in social situations. I hope I'm not making you uncomfortable." This kind of response normalizes your symptoms and pulls for a compassionate response like, "Oh, no... It didn't bother me at all, I just wanted to make sure nothing was wrong."

3. Next practice being assertive with someone who gets rude. While this almost NEVER happens, you will be more relaxed and have fewer social anxiety symptoms if you do this step too. In this step, you imagine (or better yet, you have a friend role play) a rude response to your admission about social anxiety. Be unrealistic in the level of criticism so that you can really practice assertive responses to even the worst things a person could say. If you start to feel a little angry, that's a good thing, because it means you are realizing that the rude response is out of place (rather than thinking that you yourself are out of place). So for example, imagine that after you said something like, "Yes, I tend to sweat when I socialize. It's a social anxiety trait that I've learned to live with." And the response you get is, "Don't you think that's gross? Shouldn't you leave until you can get that under control?" No, YOU WOULD NOT DIE IF SOMEONE SAID THIS. And the reason is because you are going to be well practiced in the art of responding kindly, yet firmly that, "Social anxiety is simply a tendency to be overly keyed up on social situations. It's something that can ruin your life if you don't face it head on. You can support me by looking past my symptoms to connect with the real me." If someone pushes beyond that point, there is something wrong with them. They have a real empathy problem and you can bet that others will stick up for you because you have responded politely.

4. The next step is to practice variations on the above imaginal scenarios over and over with a friend, a psychotherapist, a family member, or a social anxiety support group member. Practice at least once per week until you successfully use the method in a real life situation.

Be Courageous!

Dr. Snyder